When people you love have bad taste in music

[Betty Felon]

What do you do when the people you love have a love for terrible music?

What is the proper way to respond when someone you otherwise adore listens to miami bass, or beams with pride dragging you to thier local jam fusion band, or loves raprock? Or conversly, what do you do when they just can't understand your electic taste, and they can't hear whats great about it, or it puts them to sleep?

Do you tell them? Do you go to shows and pretend you are enjoying yourself? Do you listen to the cds so you can further pretend that you like it by actually knowing the songs?

For a lot of us, our social lives center around music. And, of course all of us have certain bands that we don't care for, a certain bands we like too much. But what about when you just don't speak the same musical language? Can you get around it?

[Yarn]

I'm sure, in theory, you can get around it. But one reason I've never dealt with this problem, is because in my experiences, raltionship-worthy people have always had similar tastes as myself.

I truly believe that musical preference is very telling of someone's personality and compatibility.

Also, I beleive that WE, and by WE I mean us board-goers, have great taste. Some of you would agree that music is not just "personal opinion", but that there actually exists "bad" and "good". For this reason, I would strongly suggest an attempt at converting. I've had friends who were hardcore into rap, and the THOUGHT of listening to a Pink Floyd song or something would send them over the deep end. Those same friends now enjoy Hendrix, The Shins, Elliott Smith ect. It just takes time.

So fight the good fight! Don't give in, and don't even lie about it.

If music broke up a friendship, or love affair, then obviously it wasn't worth it.

[Liesbeth]

I have many friends for who(m?) music is not very important, and their taste is pretty mainstream, because they don't seek out other stuff. If they show some signs of interest in other music, I may try to give them compilations, but if they don't I just leave them to their taste.

I've found for some it's the whole experience (an impressive live show, fancy video clips, let's call it the Madonna factor), rather than just the music, that's important. For me it's exactly the other way round. And quite frankly the idea that people would get into the music I deeply care for reasons outside a love of music is too scary to take the risk. So in that case, I just don't try.

These people are friends for other reasons, and some are very good friends, too. I could however not imagine being in a relationship with someone without this same outlook on music.

[Liesbeth]

related topic: what do you say when people ask what kinda music you like, and you know they will not know any of the names you would give them? My lifeline is usually R.E.M. If they don't know (about) them, I resort to 'guitar pop' and leave it at that.

[LoveSickJerk]

I tried a couple times to go to some ex's shows to dig on thier music. Perhaps I'd figure out what was so attractive. Nope. That never worked. I've only had one relationship where musical tastes were in line. The others were similar, but still too different. Given time, as Yarn points out, a couple of my ex's got into some music I like. And I tried to get into music they liked, and sometimes it worked, but more often it didn't.

I've adopted a couple of signs to tell relationship worthy people apart from the rest of the pack, and the first is music. We have to have some key band similarities. Liking (and understanding) Ska is a plus, but when you tell me you love DCFC, and your favorite album is "We Have The Facts...", and when you listen to my radio show and hear ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead, and you say "Who is this, I could get into them", its on baby.

in my experiences, raltionship-worthy people have always had similar tastes as myself.

That's exactly it. Why I would try with other folks stemmed from other influences in life (movies, and food appreciation specifically), and it fell apart for many other reasons.

As for what do I say...I go with the catch all "Indie Rock", and try to throw some bands out (Elliott Smith, DCFC, Ben Folds, The Shins, The Decemberists), and if that doesn't catch any ears, I start throwing the Canadian bands out, and then I hit Barenaked Ladies, and they get it. I guess. When I ask folks what they like afterwards, sometimes its even harder. How do you respond? Do you nod and accept thier crap with "I've heard of them"s "Don't they do that song"s and "Yeah, cool"s followed by an abrupt change of subject?

[Betty Felon]

So you guys would break up a romantic relationship that is otherwise great because you can't share music?

What about those relationships you don't have a choice in? For instance, my little brother. The same kid I dragged to ska and punk rock shows when he was a tyke, turning him on to some of his favorite bands, wants to return the favor by introducing me to a local band that him and his friends are crazy about. The Why Store. The problem: they are a mediocre "funky" jam band of the late 90's midwest persuasion (barf.) I've been known to avoid whole areas of my city to avoid having to listen to this kind of band.

It is so important to him that I go to the shows and that I like the band. It's my little bro and besides, I already refuse to listen to his rap cds.

[Forrest]

Don't pretend it doesn't matter, Betty. Cut all ties with your brother until he learns.

[LoveSickJerk]

So you guys would break up a romantic relationship that is otherwise great because you can't share music?

Absolutely not. I think I (at least) was reading this as a non family member relationship. But even so, I would never be so shallow as to breakup a relationship for something like music..there are other things we like if its working that well. If it is NOT working well, the music just becomes One More Thing. I think what I was trying to say, was that if we dig the same music, we're more likely to get along longer than others. It is all about odds, and determination.

Where your brother is concerned...that's rough. My sister and I do not agree on music mostly. She knows her rap, and her dance music (being a dancer), and likes music that's got a beat to party with. Which is not what I look for in my music first. How do we get along? I usually tell her that "I'm just not getting it." or "I don't know if I could listen to this, its not my type of music." Stay away from food metaphors. I think the trick is to not be snotty, or condescending, and to not insult the music. Letting him know that if he likes it, and really wants to explore it, he should go for it, and perhaps he'll hit on something that'll actually be a band that you'll dig. Maybe go so far as to ask him to make you a mix CD/tape, so you can take a listen and try to dig it. An hour of jam band music is worth the effort to save your Bro's feelings, I think.

[Liesbeth]

When I ask folks what they like afterwards, sometimes its even harder. How do you respond?

I usually go by the fairly neutral but clear, "right, I see". Do not encourage, would be my devise.

I think I would make more of an effort to like someone's music if they are really into it for musical reasons. If it was my little brother and he was really into something the way I'm into music, but it wouldn't be my taste, I might still make the effort, to some extent. But if it was some 'this is hip to hang out' kinda thing, I might not want to make the effort, depending on just how strongly I felt against that kinda music.

Relationshipwise, I can say that me and my husband share the same passion for music, but although our taste is similar, it is by no means the same. There are few bands or artists that we both like equally much. Sometimes we concede and go to a gig the other loves, but quite regularly we just don't go together, because neither of us can really enjoy ourselves if we know the other feels bored. And it's fine if we can just tell at home how it was, and the other understands the sentiment, if not the actual feeling for this given band or artist. For this, I suppose it helps if you are past the dating stage...

[dchris]

I spent some time with my 14-year-old cousin this weekend, who is one of those kids who thought the Garden State soundtrack was the best album ever, and kept begging me to play it in the car. But, then, he had no interest whatsoever in Chutes Too Narrow. I can't figure it out. Kids today.

[Betty Felon]

I spent some time with my 14-year-old cousin this weekend, who is one of those kids who thought the Garden State soundtrack was the best album ever, and kept begging me to play it in the car. But, then, he had no interest whatsoever in Chutes Too Narrow. I can't figure it out. Kids today.

Yes, it's weird huh.

Sometimes I wonder about people....like my roommate who, when I lent her the Postal Service, told me it put her to sleep, but now that its played on a teaser for some ER ripoff show, well....now she loves it.

And while we are wondering, can someone please explain to me the phenomenon of girls whose entire cd collection consists of their ex-boyfriend's music? I DO NOT get it.

[LoveSickJerk]

I spent some time with my 14-year-old cousin this weekend, who is one of those kids who thought the Garden State soundtrack was the best album ever, and kept begging me to play it in the car. But, then, he had no interest whatsoever in Chutes Too Narrow. I can't figure it out. Kids today.

Yes, it's weird huh.

Sometimes I wonder about people....like my roommate who, when I lent her the Postal Service, told me it put her to sleep, but now that its played on a teaser for some ER ripoff show, well....now she loves it.

Possible answer: Nowadays, Music needs visual and expericed associations with life in order to be appreciated by people who have forgotten how to listen to music. Sound, like scent, taste and touch, provokes a response. If those responses are conditioned to already experienced senses, like the over stimulated sight of television, it is hard to judge a singular sense's effect (or may require too much work, hence the sleep). Video killing the radio star?

And while we are wondering, can someone please explain to me the phenomenon of girls whose entire cd collection consists of their ex-boyfriend's music? I DO NOT get it.

Perhaps the same reason you keep that AWFUL french tablecloth they bought you: its the only one you have, and you don't care enough to buy new ones. You know and like these.

[chelsea]

Possible answer: Nowadays, Music needs visual and expericed associations with life in order to be appreciated by people who have forgotten how to listen to music. Sound, like scent, taste and touch, provokes a response. If those responses are conditioned to already experienced senses, like the over stimulated sight of television, it is hard to judge a singular sense's effect (or may require too much work, hence the sleep). Video killing the radio star?

you took the words right out of my...fingers?

[Karousme]

A pet peeve:

Friend X heard a song by a band that they know you really like. They want to hear that song, so you put in the album. You think, this is my chance, I can finally turn Friend X onto some good music.

They listen to the song and then they say those words I dread:
I love that song. Are there any other good songs on this CD?

Which I reply with my usual answer: Uh, yeah. All of 'em.

Friend X judges music by how many "good songs" are on any given album. And that's my pet peeve.

[Betty Felon]

Ok, so we all seem to lean towards the "the music is the most important" sensibility. But to play devil's advocate, what's so wrong about wanting/preferring the spectical? Assuming we disqualify untalented walking marketing gimics (i.e.,Ashley Simpson and Linsey Lohan), what's wrong with Madonna Factor? If the music is good, who's to say adding dancers, lasers, smoke, video clips, trapeze, elephants....doesn't make it better? Is there some advantage to purity?

[Karousme]

Of course music is the most important aspect, because if you were deaf, you wouldn't even hear it, and then a Madonna video would just be a lady on TV with conical breasts.

[Betty Felon]

Of course music is the most important aspect, because if you were deaf, you wouldn't even hear it, and then a Madonna video would just be a lady on TV with conical breasts.

Oh, I wasn't going there. I was assuming the music is solid in both circumstances, one with bells and whistles, the other without. Or better yet, the same musicians with and without the added showmanship.

Madonna with normal breasts, so to speak (and yes, I think Madonna is good....cheesy maybe, but I like cheese.)

Perhaps the Postal Service is better when it's in movie than not?

[Karousme]

I think I may have misunderstood you. Oops.

Wait, what is this thread even about??

Just kidding. But seriously, showmanship is awesome, if the music is there. For me at least. But if all you have is showmanship... well, stick to tennis racquet guitars and broomstick microphones for all I'm concerned.

[nwheather]

Presuming the music's quality, I see no problem with a little flash around the edges. The problem comes when the focus of the artist/performer/whatever switches from substance to flash. Or worse yet, there never was anything but flash. *COUGH*britneyshoulddiebutthenshe'dprobablybeamartyrgoddammit*COUGH*

[Fi]

http://www.youhavebadtasteinmusic.com/